Opinion:
As we begin a new year, many readers have asked me some version of the same question: How do you retire well—and how do you navigate the transition without your partner driving you nuts?
To explore this, I spoke with Sue Henderson, LCSW, a recently retired therapist and longtime Playa del Rey resident. Sue generously offered both her professional insight and a deeply honest reflection of her personal experience.
Ann: From your perspective as both a therapist and a recent retiree, what helps—or hurts—marital satisfaction most during retirement?
Sue: The first thing to consider is when and why you’re retiring. I didn’t retire until age 84, and while part of me would still like to be working, it really was time.
As a therapist, I formed deep relationships with my clients, and ending that work involved real loss. I had to grieve it. Many people—regardless of profession—experience a similar sense of loss in retirement, and it’s important to acknowledge that.
Some people also expect retirement to fix a problem in their life or marriage, only to discover that it doesn’t. When that happens, I encourage people to seek support, including therapy.
Ann: So what I hear you saying is that it’s important to attend to one’s individual experience of retirement—not just the impact on the marriage.
Sue: Exactly. And to give yourself the space to process it.
Ann: What has surprised you most about retirement?
Sue: I have loved sleeping in and having more time. I have enjoyed reading more. It’s true what people say—you’re not retiring from life; it’s just a new stage. Lifelong learning is important.
That said, I’ve also noticed I’m much more emotionally sensitive to the news. I find myself worrying more about others—especially my grandchildren and the kind of world we’re leaving them. That may be partly because I simply have more time to pay attention.
Ann: That makes sense. Research shows that as people age, they often become more compassionate. So, there may be several factors converging: more time, greater emotional attunement, and, as many would argue, a more hostile political landscape. Together, that can be a lot to hold emotionally.
Sue: Yes, I agree.
Ann: What advice would you offer couples navigating retirement together?
Sue: Relearn how to communicate—just as you did when you first married or had children. The positive is that you’re returning to the relationship with more perspective.
Be honest about needing time alone. Maintain interests and friendships outside the marriage. And look for new shared activities or rediscover old ones.
My husband retired at 60 and modeled retirement beautifully. He developed so many new interests and, without work stress, he was happier.
Now that we’re both retired, we have more time for shared activities. We’ve always done home projects well together, and now we’re doing that again, just more slowly at 85 and 84.
Patience becomes essential, especially with physical health challenges. Apologize when needed. And remember to laugh—really laugh—together.
Ann: Ahh, yes, I’m increasingly convinced that laughter and just downright playful fun are a couple’s most underrated survival skills.
A big thank you to Sue for her insights!
Like every major life transition, retirement brings challenges and opportunities. When couples make room for individual adjustment, shared growth, and a sense of humor, this stage of life can become not just manageable, but genuinely enriching.
I always enjoy hearing from readers, so please email your thoughts and questions. You can find me at annobrientherapy.com.
Here’s to a 2026 filled with curiosity, connection and a few delightful surprises along the way.
By Ann O’Brien. Ann O’Brien, LCSW, MSc, is a Playa del Rey resident and therapist, specializing in relationships. Contact her with questions or comments at ann@annobrientherapy.com or visit annobrientherapy.com. You can also visit her Substack, Relational Insights: at annobrientherapy.substack.com.
By Ann O’Brien